Someone came to me for advice;
"There’s this person I really find fascinating.
Every time I hear her talk with someone she says the
most interesting things. I finally got the nerve to
ask her out and I hardly said anything. I was boring
– and she was, well… I just so much love
her mind and how she views the world. I want to be as
interesting to her as she is to me. I have a lot of
thoughts inside my head, but I just don’t know…
What should I talk about?"
I responded, "It seems as
though the most interesting people are NOT those who
talk the most, but those who do the most listening.
Ask her questions about her and about how she thinks,
and she will truly find you as fascinating as she is
"But what questions do I
What our your current favorite
bands? Style(s) of music? If you don’t already
play an instrument, what instrument most appeals to
you, if any? What do you hear first/most when you listen
to music: Lyrics, the music, the guitar keyboards bass
drums, how the vocalist’s voice sounds, the rhythm?
Are there some songs or types of music that inspires
you? Can you think of songs that remind you of past
acquaintances? Past times of your life?
Would you enjoy being on
the stage? Singing/playing in front of many people?
Or maybe acting? Speaking? If you were in a popular
band, would you prefer playing in front of thousands
or in smaller, cozier clubs?
Would you enjoy being famous?
Would you like to be recognized on the street? Would
you rather be the unknown drummer or bass player who
backs Madonna? Would you enjoy being a famous writer,
where people know your name but not your face? Would
you prefer to have a stable, normal 9 to 5 job?
Are you comfortable amongst
crowds? Do large parties invigorate you or intimidate
you? Can you mingle well, or do you prefer intelligent,
one-on-one conversation? If you had to schmooze, could
you schmooze well? Would you tire of smiling, or would
you enjoy meeting all those new people? While out at
a club, or any social gathering, have you ever just
watched people? Is it easy or difficult for you to meet
and talk to someone for the first time? When talking
with someone, who does the most talking, you or s/he?
What are the first things
you notice when you first meet someone? What are your
favorite body parts? What are the sexiest body parts?
Which areas tell you the most about a person? Are you
happy with how you look? Do you walk around naked while
alone? Could you walk sans clothes on a nudist beach?
Could you go nude outside if you were in a totally secluded
area? Have you gone skinny-dipping? Would you like to,
or would you like to go again?
How much TV do you watch?
What are your favorite shows? What are some of your
favorite movies? Do you enjoy seeing plays? Which do
you like more, plays or movies? Have you ever been to
an opera? Symphony performance? Art gallery? What would
you do if you had no TV? Would you talk on the phone?
Read a book? Play sports or games? Socialize? Write?
Do work? Could you live with no TV? Could you live with
no music? No art?
Do bugs bother you? Do you
step on roaches and scrunch them whenever possible?
Do you hunt? Do you think it’s wrong to kill a
beautiful deer? A chicken? Do you eat meat?
What animals would you like
to be if you could? Do you have a pet? Could you hold
a snake if you knew it was harmless? An iguana? Do you
talk to your pet? Do you talk to birds? Squirrels? Have
you ever hugged a tree? Do you recycle?
Do you have plants in and
around where you live or work? Do you feel more comfortable
in the city or in the country? Could you go camping/hiking
for a week? Two weeks? Two months on the Appalachian
Trail? What are some things you like about a city? Dislike?
What are your initial perceptions of the following cities:
New York, San Francisco, Kansas City, Chicago, Miami,
Boston, Los Angeles, Phoenix, Washington DC? If you
could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Would you like to own an
old house with history and charm? A new house built
stronger more gadgets more storage space? Would you
like to design your own? Would you prefer moving to
new area of the country or staying where you are? Where
would you want to live if we could live anywhere? And
then would it be the suburbs city country or an island
all to ourselves? Could I build a treehouse?
Would you enjoy traveling
the world? Would you like to drive across the country?
Would you prefer historical sites to natural landmarks
and wonders? Which places in our country do you most
want to see or visit again? What parts of the world?
Do you think drugs should
be legalized? If alcohol and cigarettes have killed
millions of people and marijuana use has yet to kill
one person, either directly or indirectly, then should
pot be legalized? If there’s no way hemp (industrial
use marijuana) can be smoked, and if it has a tremendous
benefit to society, should IT be legalized? Should handguns
be made illegal? Assault weapons? If someone from Canada
and several European countries (which have banned handguns
and assault weapons) said that since the gun control
laws became much more strict, there has been MORE crime
and more deaths by guns, would you still back gun control
in the US?
Would you feel comfortable
if you found yourself to be the only white/black/Asian
person in a certain situation? Do you have any prejudices?
Come on, any? What political party do you feel you are
most in agreement with: democrat, republican, libertarian,
independent? Should a woman ever be President? Is welfare
good or bad for the people? What about equal opportunity
act? Racial quotas?
Have you been to college?
If you were to go back (or attend), what would you major
in? If all occupations paid the same, $80,000 a year,
what would you do? If you won $50 million, what would
you do AFTER you’ve invested traveled bought toys
provided for family and friends and children donated
to charity? What is your initial impression of someone
who is a construction-worker? An accountant? Lawyer?
Writer? Engineer? Do you feel, even though many people
equate level of income with success, that teachers are
more successful than factory workers?
If you could do things differently
during childhood, would you work harder? Play more?
Take piano lessons? Join more clubs? Read more? Write
more? Take sports more seriously? Would you talk to
different people now that you can see who and what was
Are you close to your family?
Do you visit them often? Keep in touch? Do you have
any brothers or sisters? Are you closer to your mother
or to your father? What are 5 or 6 childhood memories
that first come to mind? The same question applied to
high school? Are you or is your family traditional?
Is Christmas a happy or sad occasion for you? What is
your favorite holiday? Do you feel birthdays are important?
Could you be more demonstrably
loving to your parents? Family members? Friends? Do
you sometimes wish you were more... funny, smart, creative,
popular, attractive, healthy, wealthy, free, organized,
accomplished, easy-going, non-judgmental, loving, happy?
Do you wish you had sexier feet?
Do you smile easily? Do
you question things or wonder why things work? Would
you consider yourself left-brained or right-brained
(logical or creative)? If I could hook up a thought
monitor to your head, would I see pictures, hear words
or music, or would I sense feelings?
Were you mentally physically
sexually abused as a child? Have you ever abused or
thought of abusing someone else? Could you hurt someone
intentionally? Could you kill a person if you knew no
one could ever find out it was you? Do these last few
questions make you uncomfortable?
Do you believe in God? What
religion are you? If someone asked to talk with you
about his or her religion would you listen with an open
mind? And if their religion made more sense, would you
actually convert? Do you believe in reincarnation? Do
you feel organized religion has been beneficial to mankind?
Do you believe in psychics? Do you believe the world
is going to end? Do you believe in UFO’s and aliens?
If someone you respect told you they could see angels
or fairies, would you believe them? Is it possible that
dolphins are a higher consciousness species than humans?
What are the first things
that come to mind when you think of pyramids? Stonehenge?
Crop circles? Ancient Mayan civilization? Easter Island?
Bigfoot? Loch ness?
Do you find crazy people
fascinating? Ever want to listen to the entire conversation
of someone talking to themselves on the street? Were
they born with this lunacy? Would you be interested
in knowing what caused it?
Do you believe in abortion?
Are you pro-choice? Pro-life? Do you disagree with abortions
but still believe there should be a choice? Do you think
there should be exceptions in case of rape or if the
mother has a high chance of dying during childbirth?
Can you answer these questions with a simple yes or
no? Will this argument ever be resolved? (No)
If it was known to you that
your child would be born with major physical and/or
mental deformities such that s/he would never be able
to function normally or acceptably in society, and would
be in constant pain or mental turmoil, would you abort
it if you could? If genetics developed so much that
you could alter a child’s genes within in womb,
would you alter it to be what you would consider more
attractive, successful, smarter, etc.? Is homosexuality
learned or is it something people are born with?
If you really saw a relationship
developing, what are some personal things you would
want that person to know about you? What are some things
you would want to know about that person? (After all
these questions, what’s left?) Do you think couples
should live together before they get married? Do you
believe in love at first sight? Do you believe there
is an ideal person, a soul mate, just for you? Can a
person have more than one soul mate throughout their
Do you really, thoroughly,
enjoy sex? Do you REALLY derive pleasure from your partner
being pleased? Could you be perfectly happy (romantically
- married for example) with someone and not have sex?
If you had a choice between actually having sex and
wonderful, very involved, very memorable erotic dreams,
which would you choose?
What are some things you
are passionate about? Some things you absolutely love?
Things that totally, entirely invigorate you?
Would you like to have an
ability to send messages to anyone telepathically without
them knowing who sent it? "Stay in that lane!" "You’re
fly is open." "Smile." "YOU are beautiful." "Wear shorter
dresses. You have nice legs." "Shoulders back, chin
up, back straight." "Hug your child." What other messages
can you think of?
Would you want an ability
to read peoples’ minds? Would you be uncomfortable
if I could read yours? Would you instead want only to
know if someone was lying or hurt? Would you like to
be able to see just slightly into the future?
Would you want to be able
to heal, but in order to do so, you would briefly take
in that person’s sickness and pain? If you were
guaranteed the ability to heal sickness and even death
(in very rare but deserved cases) but, for 5 years of
your life, could not talk to or see anyone you know
and had to go through extremely rigorous mental and
physical training, would you? What about for 10 years?
20? (Some insist Jesus did this for 18 years –
from ages 12 to 30 – those missing years in the
What is your perception
of God? Is peace possible? Can people, as a whole, love
Will we eventually understand
the mysteries of life? Where do we come from? How did
Do we live forever?
Will this never end?
Does any of this matter?
You could have some fun
with this. Print it out and the next time you’re
with someone or even a group of friends, suggest, "I
have an article full of questions that’ll help
you learn more about a person. Let’s agree to
answer EVERY question in at least 3-5 paragraphs of
And for a more romantic
series of questions, read "Love
Letter to a Stranger" and "'Twas
But a Kiss."
And for an answer to the
biggest question of all, "What is the Meaning of Life?"