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LetusPonder Columns

10/18/05 The Ten Commandments - What They SHOULD Be

12/27 Do You REALLY Want World Peace?

10/15 Support Ribbon Overload Awareness

7/18 The Ultimate Guide to Kissing - Part 2: The First Kiss
(Pure romance - the best lesson you may ever receive)

7/7 Part 1: The Bad Ways to Kiss
(A humorous exploration into all the different ways people kiss badly)

4/19 Do You Truly
Get Over Your First Love?

3/1 Which Drunk are You?

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  LetusPonder Column:

The Ultimate First Kiss

- Rob Daugherty

One of the greatest experiences a person can have is THE FIRST KISS.  And possibly even greater than this is all that leads to the FIRST KISS.

I like build-up.  I like to extend that initial what's-going-to-happen stage.  I like knowing that the interest, the desire, the craving is there, but for whatever reason we wait, we hold off from actually going so far as to break that haven't-kissed-yet/we've-kissed-and-opened-the-floodgates barrier.

The Newness-Before-The-Kiss-Before-Anything-Really-Big-Happens stage...  that stage of intrigue, of being pretty sure that there's mutual interest, but not to the point of actually discussing it or allowing things to progress.  This is when the looks directly into each other's eyes grow longer, when "accidental" touches become more common.  This is when every possible silly excuse to be with each other, to somehow touch, to learn something new is used.  The Newness-Before-The-Kiss-Before-Anything-Really-Big-Happens stage...  aaaah, I love this stage.

Another reason why I like extending this stage is because when the time comes for that FIRST KISS, we've waited, we've thought about it, we've imagined how it would happen, we've envisioned everything so much that the first time our lips actually touch it sends an intense warm flush throughout the entire body.  I started to say it's like I'm on fire, but it's not really that.  It's more like easing into an outside Jacuzzi on a cool, star-filled night.  It's like an intense release -- a mini-orgasm.

There are four kinds of first kisses:

  1. The romantic, never-want-this-moment-to-end-but-that's-OK-because-this-is-just-the-beginning kiss
  2. The passionate-can't-keep-away-from-each-other-needing-lusting kiss
  3. The unsure-of-where-this-is-heading-but-I'll-go-ahead-and-return-the-kiss kiss
  4. The at-a-party-with-a-stranger-who's-really-hot-or-mutually-horny kiss; but this doesn't really count as a first kiss since a second kissing session isn't really the goal. 

The following example of The Ultimate First Kiss is a combination of the romantic-just-beginning kiss and the passionate-can't-keep-away-from-each-other-needing-lusting kiss.

Should you desire to ignore all my recommendations to be patient and allow things to build up, you can skip the essence and the romance of this column and go straight to a shortened version of the ultimate kiss.

The Ultimate First Kiss

Her name was Jo.  Jo was that oh-so-attractive, sexy, sarcastic, flirty, fun, witty, wise, and entirely unattainable woman that always exists in the office or social circle.  She's that girl all guys love to be around, that girl all guys can't help but to look at when she walks by, that girl all guys secretly wish to be with but never actually pursue because they know they'd be totally shot down. 

And, of course, she is that girl who always has a boyfriend/fiancé/whatever.

Because of this latter fact, I never paid much mind to the flirting.  I laughed off the sexual innuendos, the suggestive glancing touches, those times when she'd look at me with that "I wonder how you kiss" look.  I figured this was just her personality -- something that many people do because, let's face it, it's a nice feeling to be wanted and liked.

One day she came up to me and said, "One word: INTRIGUING."

I waited for an explanation, but she gave none.  I held up my hands and she just walked away with that remarkably appealing flirtatious grin.  A few days later, she finally explained, "I spent all day reading your columns and stories.  You are very intriguing.  Some of the things you wrote made me wonder..."

"Wonder what?"  But she left again with that flirtatious smile; this time, though, with a touch. 

I knew something was going on, so the next time we had a chance to talk, I asked, "Intriguing...  so what does that mean?" 

She looked at me for a moment, her smile turned serious, thoughts running through her head, carefully choosing her words.  "You tell me."

I knew what I suspected.  But it was difficult to come right out and say because we worked together and because she has that dang boyfriend/fiancé'/whatever.  I chose my words carefully.  I said, "It could mean several things.  1) That you like my stories and enjoyed how I took you places with my words.  2) That I raised questions in your mind and you'd like to sit with me and pick my brain.  3) You wonder if you can visit me on my island and hang out in my treehouse as I talk to lunatics strolling by.  (You'd have to read the story to get that one, but it made sense at the moment.)

"Or maybe you'd like to spend a weekend with me and get all the questions and intrigue out of your system before you commit your life to someone you're deeply in love with."

Her eyes lit up, "How about all the above."  She looked at me directly in the eyes for a long time.  I said nothing.  I played it cool, but I was really shouting and screaming and jumping for joy in my mind.  I figured it was best to let her continue making all the moves.  She added, "Walk me to my car after work."

Work flew by, of course.  We met.  We walked.  We talked about something useless and irrelevant.  I leaned against her car as our conversation continued.

She exuded confidence, charisma, craving.  Being outside served as a strange force keeping us apart, but the desire to touch pulled us together.  Slowly.  Slowly she circled, moving closer without being noticed, like a feline patiently stalking its prey.

I noticed this.  I felt it.  I felt her body, her energy.  I welcomed her into my personal space.  Soon she stood less than a foot away, coming closer still.  I think we were talking about hiking or maybe boating on a lake, but nothing she said registered.

Inches away -- wonderfully patient, her smile - devilish, her smell - erotic.  She stopped mid-sentence, both of us knowing that the conversation was just an excuse to avoid saying goodbye, a means to an end -- to a beginning, something to pass the time while we built up enough courage to ignore the cars around us, to ignore being seen by someone that could lead to trouble.  We knew we should be more careful, but...

Our lips touched.  Only our lips and I melted into hers as they were so soft.  The sensation hypnotized me.  Our lips slowly moved, slowly explored.  First both at the same time, then the upper, back to both, the lower.  I cared about nothing other than how her lips felt.  There was no tongue, no touching.  Just lips. 

Because we were patient, because we both enjoyed the build-up so very much, we didn't rush any part of the experience.  They say if you kiss your partner for just ten seconds straight every day, it would increase passion in the relationship ten-fold.  Ten seconds is a long time for one kiss.  We kissed this way -- only the lips -- for a good 2-3 minutes. 

I wanted to feel more, but I couldn't take my lips away from her face.  so, with my lips, I caressed hers.  But I did it so lightly -- sometimes not even touching but so close you can literally feel the heat, the energy -- that it tickled to the point of developing that tiny itch. And just as the itch got a bit too much, I kissed her full again.  This, then, feels even more incredible because not only are we connecting again with the passionate kiss, but it also satisfies that itch -- making it feel even more welcome, more desired, more needed, more sensually fulfilling.

Sometimes it feels expected, almost obligatory, to add the tongue.  And in most cases, people rush in too soon with the French kissing.  With her, while I didn't want to end kissing just her lips, it became almost a need to feel her tongue -- to see if she was just as sensual, just as elegant, just as erotic.

She was tentative at first.  She didn't thrust her tongue down my throat and she didn't immediately switch to all tongue.  Instead, she parted her lips just a bit more and very lightly touched the bottom of my upper lip.  Then she kissed me again with her lips -- full, solid, intense, passionate.  She did this several more times -- very lightly touching and exploring my lips with her tongue.  Occasionally I met her tongue with mine, just barely, though.  And it was always followed with that intense, passionate kiss.

Because I so much enjoyed the super-light caressing followed by the intense, satisfying release kiss, I touched her tongue very tenderly.  And because we so thoroughly gave ourselves to each other and to the gentle sensations, it felt like we became psychic, like she knew exactly what I wanted -- my pleasure was felt by her, which intensified her pleasure, which was also felt by me.

Some people, especially those in Hollywood, think that the more intense, the more passionate things become, the harder the kissing and touching must be.  This may be true at some moments, but often it's the opposite. 

Having to hold back, having to restrain ourselves while our lips and tongue are touching is like trying to keep two powerful magnets apart while bringing those magnets closer together.  The closer they get, the harder it is to keep them apart.  So we feel the build-up.  We sense the tension.  We allow the passion and craving to become even more intense by somehow holding back with the light caressing -- the more it's done, the stronger the magnetic pull, to the point where it's like our muscles are straining to keep the magnets apart.

Our tongues continued the tentative flirtatious dance.  I could no longer hold myself back.  After exploring and feeling her lips in every imaginable way, I couldn't help but to want, to need, to feel her tongue. 

So I explored hers with mine -- mostly just the tip, and still very lightly.  Remembering to avoid the uncomfortable-mouth-open-way-too-wide Canyon Competition kiss, I parted my lips just enough.  Sometimes, my tongue seemed to be more in her mouth, sometimes hers moved just slightly into mine.  She somehow knew that I'm not a big fan of feeling the tongue shoved down my throat (the Coal Miner kiss).  So our tongues danced, they touched, they explored.

Up to this point, we still have not touched each other with our hands.  I think.  It's possible we absent-mindedly held hands, but if so, they were down at our sides.  Not touching caused the entire focus to be right on the tip of the tongue.

A light bulb can illuminate a room and you won't feel any heat, any warmth whatsoever.  But if you were to focus all that light into one tiny laser beam, you could burn through steel.  It was the first time I've ever focused 100% of my attention on that one very specific part of the body and because it was this way, each and every sensation was magnified, each movement, each caress of the lips was felt throughout the entire body.

At times, she actually sucked on my tongue, switching back and forth from just tonguing it, to gently sucking in just the tip of my tongue, to even simulating every man's dream -- fellatio.  But we would soon return to the light caressing.  And always back to the small kisses with only the lips.

I have relived this kiss, this make-out session many times.  But I don't like to call it a make-out session because that somehow seems to lessen the sensuality and the spirituality of the moment.  From a psychological standpoint, one could say that we restrained ourselves from touching and pulling ourselves into each because we knew we couldn't do anything other than stand there and kiss, and because we were in public view, in a parking lot, knowing full well that someone we know might see us.

It's possible this is the reason, but another part of me knows that we so much enjoyed each aspect of our kiss, that we just didn't want to move on to something else.  And so, our lips caressed.  Our tongues danced.  We tasted, we smelled, we invited each other in.

This wasn't one super-long never-separated mega-kiss, but rather little kisses that built up into a grand finale.  And yet, it felt as though it was one continuous sensation.

Eventually, we did pull away and look at each other.  Catching my breath, gathering my bearings, I thought out loud, "Wow.  That was..."

And she finished my sentence, "... incredible!"

We just looked at each other for a moment, amazed, stunned, exhilarated.  Her eyes seem brighter than before, more familiar.  Her smile more devilish.  Her facial structure...  I'd forgotten how beautiful she was.  Her lips... did I just kiss those amazingly luscious lips?

I touched her cheek, traced her eyebrows, the side of her face -- I felt like I held a priceless, delicate sculpture, something like in the fairy tales that was so beautiful it mesmerized people to the point where they needed to touch it.  Experiencing this beautiful, delicate structure with just one of the senses was not enough.

When my fingers reached her lips, I had to kiss her again.  The moment, somehow, was both tender and incredibly intense.  Now, I wanted more.  Even though focusing the laser on just the lips and just the tongue was a remarkable pleasure, I now wanted to feel and touch and taste and smell as much of her as possible.  I wanted ALL of me to be in contact.

I pulled her tight against me with one hand.  My lips followed my fingers: I caressed her lips...  I kissed her lower lip.  I traced an eyebrow... I kissed her closed eye (so gently because they're so beautiful).  I brushed her hair back from her neck... I kissed right below and even behind her ears.  And when I got to the ears, I whispered my thoughts, "You feel amazing..."

She leaned hard into me, literally massaging me with her entire body.  I reached up with both hands, intensely squeezed her face and neck, drew her lips to mine, and gave her the most gentle kiss I could manage.  The contradiction of the passionate touch and the light kissing served to intensify the desire and soon she was pushing harder into me and we were kissing and sucking like it was a drink of water in the desert.  We needed it and we couldn't get enough.

We couldn't feel enough of each other's body.  We couldn't taste enough, smell enough.  And the more we satisfied our needs, the more we needed.  I can understand why people do drugs.  But I can't understand why they do them when there are far more effective ways to achieve the same high simply by using the mind.

We both realized that we were too much in the public eye.  We shouldn't have been doing what we were doing where we were doing it.  We were just kissing, but still, she had that boyfriend/fiancé/whatever it was; plus we worked together -- not forbidden, but definitely taboo. 

We would pull apart.  One of us would say, "Ok, I'm leaving now."  But neither of us could let go.  We still held each other.  So we'd kiss again.  "This is the last one," she said.

But she didn't walk away.  "Alright, one more and that's it," I said.

Eventually, we were able to leave.  I almost drove off with my briefcase on the back of my car.  She pointed this out to me -- her devilish smile returned, pleased to actually see how she so thoroughly put me in a stupor.

I drove home with the sensations of our kiss running through my mind.  Even now, I can clearly picture how she stalked me with that confident twinkle in her eye.  And each girl I've kissed since then, there's a little part of me remembering, a little part reminding myself to relive all those incredible things she did with me in the middle of that parking lot.

And that, my friends, was the ultimate first kiss.

Being the storyteller that I am, a part of me wants to continue the story, to tell what happened after our blissful evening.  But I've chosen not to do this.  Instead, I'm just going to leave it as it is...

A wonderful memory.

A reader shared what she considers to be the ultimate first kiss. The similarities between hers and mine were so consistent, I decided to simply print what she gave me.

The Ultimate First Kiss (shortened version, but still good)

"When I was in college... eons ago... I was walking down a staircase in this old house with a guy I was crazy about. Anyway, on the stairway landing and after all our friends had passed, he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the corner.

Being the young, naive, and greedy kisser that I once was... I tried to slap one on him but he whispered to me "stop, follow my lead."

As he began to kiss me he explained every motion - quietly and gently. It wasn't one LONG kiss... but rather little kisses that built up into the grand finale, if you will.

He said, "Begin with your mouth closed and use your lips," and then he showed me.

Then he said, "Kiss with your mouth slightly open, but keep your tongue to yourself... still using your lips," and he showed me.

Then he said, "Kiss more with your mouth slightly open and tease my lips with the tip of your tongue... Slowly, still using only the tip... tease just the inside of my mouth," and he showed me.

Then he said, "Gently suck the tip of my tongue and then go back to small kisses with your mouth closed... only on the lips," and, of course, he showed me.

Finally he said, "Kiss me with your mouth slightly open, suck my tongue and when you give it back, be ready to go for it... mouth open, strong tongue and passion."

And to this day... I still use that method to kiss. It was the best lesson and kiss I EVER got."

All this romance tells me that more kissing is about to happen. So check back soon for...

How Do You Kiss Part 3: Quality Kissing Techniques

Until I complete this third part, why don't you relive some of those wonderful-kiss moments.  Sit back and give yourself a nice memory, as well.


And please, email me or share your most memorable kisses in the LetusPonder Forum.  The more wonderful-kiss examples I have, the better this Guide to Kissing will be.

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