Big Brother 5 Introduction: Hotties and More Hotties
This Might Be a Bad Thing

This time around, we have the most shocking twist ever... again.  We also have people who don't know they're related.  We have at least 3 halves of 3 sets of twins. And we have an odd number of people going into the Big Brother house -- six guys and five girls. 

And we have the big mystery of why there are three blank spaces on CBS' BB5 main page (see my amazing proof at left). Woo Woo!

Before they bring in the mystery guests (that are probably related or yet another set of twins or something REALLY controversial), do you think the guys will do the male-bonding thing and eliminate all the women first? 

Hell no!  CBS also decided to bring into the house a bunch of hotties.

That's right, kids.  CBS Big Brother executives have the pulse on the nation.  They realize that America could give a crap about personality and substance as long as there are hotties in the house.  Last year, the house was filled with mostly attractive but mindnumbingly dull individuals.  And despite the fact that the live feed watchers were deathly bored, the TV shows got extremely high ratings. 

(Read my article summing up the entire Big Brother 4 experience.)

So, who cares if the people are young and/or self-obsessesed and/or have no meaningful life experiences and/or couldn't have an interesting conversation beyond the latest crap music who's hot who's not simple-minded philosophical beginning self-help wisdom.  Who cares about this: all we care about is...

Are they a hottie?  Do they look good in a swim suit?  Do they look good while they're exercising?  We don't want to see ugly people kissing and fondling each other, right?  We don't want to see ugly people at all, in fact, even if they're more interesting.

Seeing who was selected to be in house tells me something else...  The Big Brother producers, yet again, could give a crap about the very devoted Internet followers.  And this does not bode well for the truly devoted.  Here's why...

Yet again, the live feeds will consist of possibly even more FOTH (Front Of The House) shots should anything even remotely interesting and/or controversial be happening.  And again, despite dozens of cameras and microphones recording their every move and despite the four views to choose from on the live feeds, all four will be on the same thing -- that one guy cleaning out the filth between his toes even though others in the house are either fighting, having sex, strategizing, or having a real conversation that people might actually enjoy listening to.

Right now, there's a mass collective, "Oh my god, Rob is so right" groan because everyone who's ever had the live feeds has witnessed this far too often.  The live feeds have always been this way.  Need proof?  Read my detailed article about when Sheryl Crow came and played live in the back yard.  Oh I was so happy that I had the live feeds to watch this... BEFORE the event.  Afterwards was a different story.

The Biggest Twist EVER!
Their promotional video on the official site says to be ready for The Biggest Twist EVER!

Let's hope that the biggest twist ever really is something meaningful.  These usually end up being a big let-down.  I've heard that they may have a room people can go to that is away from the cameras.  If so, this is really only for one thing: sex.  They're hoping that more actual sex takes place, even if it's off-camera.

Something else that's different is the Head of Household room will be equipped with items that will allow him/her to watch (and hear?) other parts of the house. So, we'll get to be double voyeurs as we watch people on our screens watch people on their screens.

And the one room that is totally made out of concrete is supposed to cause a lot of conflict.  It won't.  The people in the house hardly sleep at normal hours and so what'll happen is they'll be nice to each other and allow them naps in their real beds.

If the CBS producers had an ounce of a brain, they'd allow the viewers, especially the internet viewers, to have some sort of say as to what takes place in the house and who gets booted.  This way, the people would become so much more actively involved in the show; it might actually become the huge phenomenon that it is over in the UK.

Now, I'm not suggesting that the viewers get to decide who goes.  That was a huge mistake because, let's face it: the viewers suck when it comes to making decisions that influence the entertainment value of the show.  I am merely suggesting that the viewers be given one vote as though they are a houseguest.  This way, since there often seems to be a close vote with one person being the swing vote, they would have to try and guess who the viewers would choose and so, unless they had a very clear numbers advantage, they'd still have no idea as to who goes.

Or maybe the viewers will get to nominate someone for eviction or have the veto power or decide on challenges or something.  Anything beyond the silly viewer's choice crap.

Will this happen?  No way.  Arnold Shapiro and friends could give a crap about the viewers, especially those on the internet.  It's really strange that he/they have such little foresight.

We're Related?!
"Two new houseguests are related but neither knows the other exists."  I wonder how they'll spring this information on the houseguests...

"Will the two houseguests who are related but don't know it yet who happen to also be kissing on each other please step forward?"

"Umm... wait a minute you two.  Not so fast."

This will be really interesting...  for a short while.  Those watching the feeds will (maybe, if allowed) get to hear lengthy conversations about how the other has lived their lives and the families they've grown up with.  They'll marvel at all the similarities.  They'll really enjoy the discovery process.

And CBS is hoping that they form an impenetrable alliance since they've bonded like none before.  And this will create some sort of conflict or advantage or disadvantage or something -- anything so that CBS can say they had a genius part in how this whole drama played out as opposed to letting the houseguests' natural personalities create the drama and the conflict.

Here's the problem with the two-houseguests-are-related scenario...

Because these two are two of thirteen, thirteen people out of tens of thousands that they had to choose from.  They might have discovered the relation during the background check and the little grunt behind the computer got to run into the executive's conference room, "Look at what I found!"

So, they chose two sub-par individuals to be in the house just because of this shocking new revelation.  They'll milk it up, have their families and younger sisters interviewed -- who will cry.  They may even break the rules and allow outside communication just for this special event.  It'll be a ratings bonanza!

But these two people, which are most likely two of the guys, will be boring or annoying or just plain old horrid to have to listen to on the live feeds.  Or maybe one will be gay and the conservative uneducated duphus will try to make the argument that homosexuality is a result of environment and not genes.

Instead of all this crap, you know what I'd like to see?  If you look at the guest lineup on the official site, Julie Chen appears to be the 14^th houseguest.  I'd like to see Julie Chen spend some time in the house.  I'd like to get to know her better beyond her news anchor personality and her just-barely-becoming-personable interviews.  But of course, most people familiar with my crap know that I've had a long-time crush on this woman, so I'm a little biased in this regard.

Houseguests, In General
The first person that stands out when I look at all the houseguests (other than the fact that the women are all babes and the guys are young and mostly good-looking, i.e. mindnumbingly dull), is the big dork with the hat and the huge eyebrows that seem like they're going to raise up a lot but when they do they're going to REALLY raise up like in cartoons and will sort of take on a life of their own.  Whole discussion board threads will be devoted to Michael's eyebrows.  I'll discuss Michael shortly.

Show Me The Money and Give Me Exposure
First, it was nice to read that pretty much everyone's reason for being on Big Brother was the money.  Finally we have some honesty.  Speaking of which, there has never been more people that are blatantly out to self-promote their budding modeling careers, their fitness model careers, their acting careers, etc.  This has always been the case but they just better pretended to have other more down-to-earth motives.  Now it won't be a surprise to learn that most of them already have agents.

Twins and More Twins?
From reading a few sites (the main one being www.bagatelles.net/bigbrother/headlines.asp -- definitely worth a look), I've learned that there are at least three twins going in the house -- Diane, Adria, and Drew.  Will there be more?  To me, three twins is a bit more than just coincidence.  I suspect something will come of this.  Will they bring another twin into the house?  Is there another twin that we don't know about? Will they pull a twin-switcheroo?

And so, we have six women who are all far above-average beautiful who also aspire to have careers in the limelight.  And we have seven guys:

• three of which are young and cocky studmuffins (which includes an openly gay fellow named Winkle)
• a black man who must have an amazing personality who's hopefully not gay or lazy
• an edited-to-be super-conservative "George W. Bush or Rush Limbaugh is my hero" blue collar painter
• a super-good-looking good 'ole boy country music singer male model
• a total dork with eyebrows that will come to life and scare all the children

This seems like a group selected for the TV show and not for those watching the live feeds.  Even the most banal individuals can have at least 10 seconds of something interesting that they can edit into the show.  For the most devoted...  well, at least we'll have plenty of eye candy.

Will this be the BEST EVER? 

You know, it doesn't really matter.  I'm always excited to meet new people.  Until I get to know this group, I must admit, despite my mildly negative sarcastic tone, that I'm looking forward to this new season.

Bring on the voyeurism!

Check back soon for in-depth discussion of each of the houseguests.  I'll have links to interesting houseguest-related sites and more pictures.

Thank you for reading my crap!

For links and more links to Big Brother, visit SirLinksaLot.net

And feel free to email your comments and suggestions to my bad self -- rob@letusponder.com.