5: Let's Psycho-Analyze the Men
I just can't seem
to get all that enthused over these guys. I think this is
because I was hoping to find someone in this house who I would
enjoy hearing what's on their minds. Yes, I know you don't
have to be a philosophy major to philosophize, but... well...
We have a wannabe-male-model-volunteer-fireman-country-singer,
a recent college grad, a mortician, a security officer, a
commercial painter, a sales rep, and a registered nurse.
Their ages: 22, 23, 26, 26, 28, 36, 41. The three oldest
are the token opinionated conservative older male, the male
model wannabe, and the mortician (who I think will have the
most likeable personality).
The others: The
gay guy will always be entertaining. The studmuffin recent
college grad will act like a studmuffin recent college grad.
The sales rep shows promise in the manipulative-overly-cocky-but-can-maybe-pull-it-off-because-he's-good-looking
department. And the dork with the hat and the cartoonish
eyebrows from Oklahoma... (I'm just shaking my head and smiling.)
So it's a mildly
interesting mix in the TV Entertainment category. But in
the Watching-the-Live-Feeds category, I have a feeling I will
cancel my free 14 day RealPlayer Superpass trial before it's
Let's meet the
Winkle, 26-year-old Registered Nurse from Tupelo, MS.
He states that his "slide under the radar will be the
smoothest in BIG BROTHER history," but if he's a bit
too flamboyant with his homosexuality, I'm not expecting him
to achieve his goal. However, because at least three of the
guys will constantly be drooling over the hotties (i.e. EVERY
woman in the house, even the artsy hippie-wannabe alterna-chick),
at least two of the women - the married women - will seek
refuge in Mr. Winkle.
Mr. Winkle... doesn't
that sound like a side character on Barney?
Plus, since most
every hot single woman in this world can't seem to NOT have
a boyfriend (which would mean NO DATE this weekend), this
little homosexual is going to have a lot of female friends.
As a result, he'll likely go far in this elimination parade.
(Side note: If
you're a hot single woman without a boyfriend, email me.
I plan to write a column about this phenomenon and I have
a few questions for you.)
Mr. Winkle says,
"Fear isn't a part of my vocabulary. Make me walk naked
through a pit of snakes while eating a raccoon's testicles--JUST
SHOW ME THE MONEY!" This is all wonderful and good,
but on Big Brother, how much will this really matter? The
vast majority of the time they're sitting around staring into
space talking strategy endlessly.
Mr. Winkle, please
break a bunch of the homosexual male stereotypes. The American
public needs to see that gay guys aren't all flaming.
Long, 26-year-old Sales Rep from Pittsburgh. Scott says
that his biggest weakness will be, "Being looked at as
a threat based on looks."
And here we have
the arrogant asshole. The only way he'll be able to pull
this off is if he's as witty and fun as Will from BB2. Otherwise,
he'll just accumulate enemies, especially those that are not
a part of his clique.
I say "his"
clique because I see him as a ringleader, someone who will
too quickly try to form an alliance of clichés -- either with
the guys, with the hippest-hottest-most-arrogant people, or
with those he feels are easily-manipulated-but-beautiful idiots.
Seeing the little
tuft of facial hair on his chin caused me to think that Scot
will be a preener, someone who will spend a lot of time shaving,
a lot of time in front of the mirror.
He also comes across
like he's going to be one of those people that knows a lot
of crap about a lot of crap. Usually these people are either
really interesting or really annoying, depending on if they
share at appropriate times or shove it in people's faces (often
so as to prove again and again just how brilliant they are).
Because he might be the most intelligent male (the women are
in a different league), I'm concerned that he'll grow too
cocky too quickly.
And ladies, take
note: Scott says that his strengths are, "Open and great
heart, funny and easy going, yet strong and in control"
and he's "6'4", 210 and very smart." He's
the perfect man! Just ask him.
Lubinski, 41-year-old Commercial Painter from Eastpoint,
MI. Anyone who lists George W. Bush or Rush Limbaugh as their
personal hero is saying this just to get a rise out of people.
He knows how controversial these two are right now. He probably
told the CBS execs that he votes conservatively and then,
just to make things interesting, they suggested that he say
extreme things in his profile.
The problem with
them casting the outspoken conservative older guy is that
they hope and plan on him being annoying and controversial
and opinionated, but he really ends up being more adult, more
polite, in fact. All the fighting and all the intense arguments
they were expecting just don't transpire.
Plus, if he's an
INTELLIGENT conservative, people won't really want to challenge
his beliefs and debate with him on the important topics.
This is because conservatives USUALLY back their opinions
with facts and history while liberals are more inspired by
(For example, Michael
Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 is replete with outright lies,
distorted truths, and things taken out of context. What confuses
me is how there are so many intelligent people, people able
to think and reason and come to their own conclusions, who
are ignoring or just not seeing a lot of the obvious facts
regarding the whole 9/11 Afghanistan Iraq scenario. It's
weird. It's like people have been brainwashed into blind
ignorance. I say this and I am definitely NOT a registered
As a result, those
in the house, to avoid being proven wrong or made to reconsider
their lemming beliefs, they'll just stop talking to him about
anything of substance. He'll be the outcast and soon he'll
This will happen
UNLESS he can keep his mouth shut and share his ideals with
a calm demeanor and ONLY when pushed to share.
Ellis, 23-year-old Security Officer from Durant, OK.
I'm not sure if this guy is a total dork or actually a sort
of good-looking guy based on Oklahoma standards. I know that
Arnold and his team try very hard to find people who epitomize
certain segments of the population. Is it possible that they
found the perfect representation of a good 'ole boy dork who
days "Yee-haw!" when he's excited?
The person who
may have the most difficult time with all this Big Brother
stuff is his fiancé. Chances are she's not the hottie like
those he'll soon be living with. So when she hears and reads
every word that he says -- and he'll say a lot because that's
what good 'ole boys do, they speak without thinking -- she'll
hear him say, repeatedly, how freakin' hot so-and-do's body
is and so on. She'll hear him say a lot of duphus crap.
But worst of all, all of her friends and family will hear
him say a lot of duphus crap. Will she be able to look everyone
in the face and say, "THAT is my man."
She'll be able
to do this if he remains true to himself -- all honest and
aw-shucks good-like, you know what I mean. She'll still love
him despite all the can't-help-himself ogling and duphus comments.
But if he's at all conniving and malicious, he may as well
start working out the visitation schedule to see his kid.
Michael will be
pleasantly ignorant of all the lower-class less-educatied
prejudice that many in the house will have. He may be a little
on the crazy-dork side, but sometimes, especially in this
house, ignorance is bliss as they say.
Latimer, 36-year-old Mortician from Conway, SC. Each
year it slowly eaks out that at least a few of the houseguests
were recruited into the house. Because Marvin appeared on
The Weakest Link back in 2002, it's likely that Arnold
and friends kept his resume on file since they saw what they
liked and since Reality TV likes to have at least one black
person in the mix.
about Marvin is that I don't really get anything from his
bio or from the articles about him I've read. But something
in this man is just downright appealing. I want to hear what
he has to say. I want to see how he interacts with everyone.
I want to see if he's as charismatic and likeable as he seems
to be in his picture.
He says that he
wants to be the chef. It'll be interesting to see how he
works things out with the few other women who's strategy is
also to be the chef. I'm especially curious to see what kind
of meals he would prepare while Miss Fitness Twin Fitness
World Champion stands over his shoulder watching every carb
and every poly-unsaturated fat.
Nowhere in his
bio or in the article online does it mention that Marvin has
kids. I asked around and many people feel that if a decent-looking
30-something black man doesn't have a kid, that means he's
Hey, that's what
people are saying on the street. But wouldn't that be fun?
There have never been two gay guys in the house at the same
time. But I so do NOT have gay-dar so I'm probably way off.
If so, it's just a matter of a few days before he suggests
to the hotties in the house, "Once you try black..."
Marvin seems to
be one of the favorites on the discussion boards. Only time
Wirey, 28-year-old Volunteer Firefighter from Decatur,
Illinois. Should you did around on the internet, you won't
find much about Jase Wirey. But you WILL discover a certain
really annoying male model named Jase Atwood.
In the video clip
I saw, he pranced and showed his many stomach muscles and
his glisteningly-smooth chest and his pearly whites and his
oh-so-hip wild hair that he tussled often inthat "Oh
aren't I just the cutest!" manner. He also showed a
certain empty-headedness that said, "I know and care
about nothing other than being hot-looking, being seen because
I'm so hot-looking, and being around babes who are also hot-looking
and who like me because I'm so hot-looking."
That's a lot of
hot-looking! But at least we have our priorities straight.
give Jase the idea that if a guy is hot-looking (there's that
word again) and can kind-of sing, then that means he can front
a band. (This, sadly, is entirely true. Even moreso given
a hot-looking woman.)
Do you know how
much a volunteer firefighter makes? Nothing. That's why
it's called VOLUNTEER. But he lists this as his OCCUPATION.
Sure, most volunteer fireman would like to move up through
the ranks to the point of actually getting paid (and paid
well, thankfully). But I suspect that there are a few who
realize that saying they are a fireman will look good in the
public eye that they so badly want to be in front of.
Well, Jase's dream
has come true. Millions of people are looking at him. Will
they be looking at him leave the house quite early?
looks works with a lot of women, but I suspect that with this
group, a guy is going to need a lot more than just looks to
Jase will talk
and he'll talk a lot. And this will only serve to remind
us why so many beautiful people were made beautiful -- to
LOOK at, but NOT to listen to.
Daniel, 22-year-old Recent College Graduate from Urbana,
Ohio. Right now, in his mind, Drew is invincible. He just
graduated from college. His whole life is ahead of him.
He's smart. He's good-looking. He just got picked out of
thousands of people to be a part of the most-watched, the
most analyzed group of strangers in America. He can do no
And it is this
naïve youth that will cause him to not be careful enough with
his words and actions, thus causing him to be an early evictee,
UNLESS he's pulled into a larger, smarter group.
The older women
will think of him like their adorable little brother's friend.
Cute, yes, but still a little young to really know what it's
all about. And this will drive him crazy inside (he won't
ever say it, though). It will drive him crazy that these
incredibly hot women can't envision themselves being the slightest
bit romantic with him.
Drew's boyish good
looks tell me that he's not the slightest bit streetwise,
that he hasn't really had to work all that hard, that his
life hasn't been all that difficult. Sure, his parents are
probably divorced, so he's had to deal with all that emotional
crap, but still, he was probably given a new car on his 16th
birthday and then probably a newer one right before college.
to use his enemies to his advantage," which tells me
that he used a lot of drunken fraternity-party girls for sex.
In order to truly use his enemies to his advantage, that would
mean he would have to step down a social and/or beautiful-people
level and actually convince people -- people who are probably
wiser than him -- that he is their friend and can be trusted.
He must be truly sincere for this to work and I just don't
see him being able to pull this off over an extended period
be fun to watch, though, ESPECIALLY if his twin is brought
into the house and they feed off of each other like I suspect
they do very well.
Oh wait a minute.
Here's a thought regarding the twin twist...
What if the second
twin is brought in, like many suspect will happen, but instead
of them being two independent votes, they'll be forced to
vote as one (since that is what they'd probably do anyway).
And if evicted, then they are BOTH evicted. In other words,
the twins will be treated as one entity.
Now THAT would
It'll never happen.
So anyway, there
you go... The Big Brother 5 men.
If you have any
comments or any other information, email me and I'll update
their information in the article.
And as always...
you for reading my crap!
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