brother 4: Mediocrity and Run-on Sentences
SO looking forward to this year's Big Brother. When I first
learned about bringing ex's into the house, I wrought my hands
over what would surely be a lot of psychological thought-fodder.
this with the usual insanity that results from being stuck
in this house for so long with no change in scenery, with
the same people, with no contact with the outside world, all
the while having the people strategizing and taking sides
all in hopes of voting each other out to win a half-million
dollars -- and we have a huge amount of drama potential.
happened? Why is it that even those who have subscribed to
the live feeds are only sort of watching them? (Or maybe I
should say they're watching, but not nearly as much as prior
seasons.) Where are all the houseguest fan sites? And, dammit,
why haven't I been inspired to write? We're in the third week
and I've started and restarted many, many articles, all of
which were tossed due to that missing oomph. Why is this?
Why oh why?
kids, I'll tell you why.
here's what will be in this article, all in a mixed-up sort
recap of all that's happened in the house thus far
brief personality profile of each of the houseguests
look ahead of what is to come
it's kind of surprising that this year's Big Brother hasn't
caught my attention. Every person is attractive in their own
way. They are generally intelligent. They're not a bunch of
smokers. Their outlook on life is generally positive. There
really isn't one person with a trailer-park trash mentality.
There's nothing terribly wrong with ANY of them.
us Ponder the Houseguests
exists a pseudo-hottie beauty pageant winner (Alison)
who's been heard discussing how popular she must be with the
viewers. Being that she's done the beauty pageant thing, I'm
thinking deep down she has an inferiority complex, especially
given the fact that most girls she's competed against have
MUCH prettier noses.
Alison started out crying over just about anything. It took
her a few weeks, but she's stopped this for the most part,
but has replaced this behavior with compulsive lying along
with the need to constantly flirt with the studmuffins. She's
one of those girls that can't bear the thought of never having
a boyfriend or some guy to give her attention.
of her boyfriend, we now know why she said he would have a
nutty over Justin being in the house: Alison has no control
when it comes to guys. According to those watching the live
feeds, her and Justin were f* buddies. And then we've seen
her have lengthy make-out sessions with BOTH David and Nathan
(some say she went so far as to have sex with David the night
before he was booted, but I doubt it). Why this isn't really
all that interesting is that both David and Nathan said it
was sort of like kissing their sister, which very much translates
to a huge ICK for those watching the live feeds.
a public request: If Alison's boyfriend shows up stating that
he still loves her and that he understands that Alison did
all she did because of strategy, would someone please kick
his stupid ass to the curb?
sad thing about Alison is that after listening to her on the
live feeds and reading live feed transcripts, I do not recall
one instance where she discussed anything even remotely related
to talents or skills or interests she may have. What is her
thing? She's won beauty pageants, but is there anything that
she's really interested in other than, well... winning beauty
pageants and having someone around that she can call her boyfriend?
will soon see how this no-talents-no-skills-and-interests
theme is repeated throughout the house.)
have a woman, Dana (a karate something or other), who
seems to think it's more important that she shows everyone
that she's TOUGH. As a result, she chooses to get pissed off
about anything and everything (throughout this article, I'll
give live Dana updates... you'll see what I mean).
isn't that well-liked both in and out of the house. In the
house, everyone, especially the guys, knows that she's paranoid
and that she freaks out anytime she thinks that anyone is
talking about her or plotting against her or even just not
including her in the plans. Mental weakness and zero confidence...
these are so unattractive.
many of the younger BB discussion groups have deemed her "mantroll,"
but I personally think she's kind of attractive. I wonder
what Dana would be like in more normal, less stressful situations
where people aren't plotting against her. Still pissed and
paranoid but just a little less?
a paranoid, often-freaking-out girl and a cries-a-lot-flirts-a-lot
pseudo-hottie would be interesting and fun to watch. Normally,
like I said, these would be quality psychological thought-fodder.
continue with the houseguests...
person who SHOULD have been conversation material is Scott.
Scott was an emotional basketcase who was still in love with
his ex when she came into the house. He told her this several
times as she looked back at him blankly. Of course, the only
reason he was still in love with her was because he couldn't
find another girl that wanted to date him.
tried and tried but just could never ever say or do anything
likeable or cool. He was the king of inappropriate comments
And to explain his whacked-out behavior and his still being
in love with Amanda, he thought it would be a good idea to
tell everyone, in the form of making an excuse for his idiotic
behavior, that he has herpes when it really wasn't necessary
that he share. What's the acronym?
right, kids. Scott threw chairs and yelled at Big Brother
and Alison scrubbed the toilet and cried hysterically, "My
boyfriend will surely dump me not because I constantly flirt
with and kiss on guys more attractive and more confident than
him but because I've sat on the touched-Scott's-herpes-ass
for those just discovering my writing, anytime a quote is
in italics, it's quite likely that I might have sort-of maybe
made up the quote.)
Live Feed Update:
was just heard saying, "Herpes-ass toilets really
piss me off."
was evicted prematurely because he wasn't attractive or witty
enough to increase BB ratings. Don't believe people when they
say it was because of his emotional outbursts. Supposedly,
his herpes wasn't contagious so he wasn't booted for that.
And surely his emotional drama could've been controlled. They
booted him because his personality and stupid hats annoyed
the viewers and, if anything, caused people to NOT watch the
when "not for nothin'" Justin got booted because
he lovingly/teasingly held a knife to the I-totally-trust-him-because-I-like-him-and-because-I'm-drunk-as-usual
Krista? There were many, many articles written about this.
The discussion boards debated back and forth for weeks. It
was featured on more than one TV show.
happened after Scott was evicted? Basically nothing but a
bunch of pretend sadness that he's gone when what they were
really thinking was, "I wonder if Amanda might actually
of Amanda not speaking (which she never did, but the
potential was there), she was busy giggling at David's non-stop
antics, which soon turned into having the first-ever sexual
intercourse in a U.S. BB house. Because Amanda was a gorgeous,
exotic beauty, this should've been
more exciting. Instead, it was, umm... anti-climactic.
those controlling the UNCENSORED 24/7 LIVE STREAMING VIDEO
feeds went to FOTH (Front Of The House) within a minute after
David fumbled around once he crawled on top of her.
the first sex ever would cause a stir, right? Surely, this
would create a lot of discussion on the boards, right? Surely
the ponder/debate-ability of such a thing would inspire articles
and lots of commentary, right?
She was too embarrassed to own what she did and David was
too honorable to high-five the guys afterwards and talk about
it. And so, what was once a discussion-worthy event has turned,
yet again, into...
also have a former FBI agent in the house. Now, THAT'S exciting,
right? Well, Jack must've specialized in blending in
because, despite all his immense potential for psycho-drama
ponder-ness, he's essentially forgettable. I don't dislike
him; don't get me wrong. It's just that he's pretty boring
to watch or listen to. I guess Big Brother should've asked
the follow-up question: "So you've had some amazing experiences?
Very nice, but will you actually be able to TALK about them
in the house so that maybe people won't die of boredom whenever
we have Michelle, a 19-year-old cute-as-a-button, everyone-loved-her,
so-very-innocent, has-lived-a-good life virgin (who's going
to be HOT when she reaches late-20s early 30s), can't say
anything really bad about her except that she says "like"
a WHOLE lot. She was evicted because someone forgot to pay
attention in Big Brother history class when it came to the
part that using a very liked person as a pawn against someone
they definitely want out usually ends up in everyone hugging
the very much-loved person goodbye.
someone that many wanted out was/is the super-hottie, Erika.
Unfortunately, Erika seems to have a bit of a brain and some
maturity because she hasn't lowered her mentality to fraternity
level in order to become a part of the 20-something clique
in the house. As a result, the young people in the house don't
trust her. People think she's cold and calculating.
in my opinion, don't understand her. She really hasn't opened
up to show us who she really is. Many watching call her cold
and anti-social but those who have watched the feeds during
those times when people weren't acting like idiots, she comes
across very warm and caring. Plus, when she smiles, which
isn't as often as I'd like, she is just ravishing.
be the same way as her; "Ok, the drinking and the jokes
and games are fun, but maybe eventually someone might actually
have a real conversation about a real topic other than freaking
rehashing strategy over and over and over again...?"
problem with Erika is her ex, Robert, who just so happens
to epitomize asshole. Sure, at times he can say or do something
cool, but for the most part he just comes across like an asshole.
I wonder what Erika would be like if he wasn't in the house.
to discuss Robert more, but you know, he's that kind of person
that you meet and have no interest, whatsoever, in getting
to know him better. He is a perfect example of "out of
site, out of mind." Do you ever think about Robert at
any time other than when you see him or read about him?
there's Jun, a very saggy once-hottie, Asian girl who does
have a sense of humor, not to mention a very high opinion
of herself. Jun came into the house having JUST quit smoking
cold turkey, so she is using this, along with the stress in
the house, as an excuse to eat and eat often.
who make excuses for hurting themselves or other people just
annoy me. So you're life is rough, your situation is difficult...
Who cares. Deal with it. Move on. Choose to do the right thing.
Live Feed Update:
Dana says to Jun, "That cold turkey sh*t really pisses
She just said, "My boyfriend once at a cold turkey
sandwich that I made for him. He said it was dry so I flirted
with his roommate then I cried."
Jun's ex. I've liked Jee from the beginning and it seems as
though many people are slowly starting to come around to like
him as well. The problem with Jee is not Jee at all, but who
he spends a lot of time with, i.e. Robert.
despite being in this house with essentially nothing to do
but talk with each other, it's strange to think that with
Jee (and most everyone in the house), we know so very little
about him. Could it be possible that CBS selected 13 people
out of tens of thousands who applied who have basically no
real outside interests or life experiences that bears repeating?
was the class clown who was pretty funny in small doses. The
problem with David is that he doesn't have an OFF switch.
At some point, the guy needs to stop making a joke out of
everything. Like I said, it's funny in small doses, but geez,
over time, it's just annoying.
though, David has had the most action, sexually, out of everyone.
This should give hope to all the dorky comedians out there
(you've got to be mildly attractive and really funny, though).
The rumor is true: women actually like guys with a sense of
humor! Who'd a thunk?
thing about David was after his little talk with Julie Chen.
She introduced his friend and there just was no way in hell
that they were going to hug each other or show the slightest
amount of affection. They ALMOST hugged each other. They WANTED
to hug each other. But they realized they were on TV and so
we saw something like,
this kicks ass."
five, punch each other on the shoulder.
we have Justin, the super jock wrestler who is proving
himself to have a brain. Again, following the theme of these
houseguests, it's difficult to come up with extra information
about Justin. Let's see, he's a star wrestler, which means
he's short and has a good body. It also means that he's very
quick both physically and mentally. Justin is actually pretty
cool, I must admit. And he seems to have a brain. Does he
have any hobbies, interests, or skills other than sports?
I haven't seen or heard of any.
latter person is Nathan, the oh-so gorgeous good 'ole
boy from Oklahoma that the girls all melt over when he gives
them his aw-shucks-aren't-I-gorgeous-when-I-smile-at-you-but-I'll-pretend-like-I-don't-know-it
smile. Because Nathan couldn't bring himself to find Alison
the slightest bit attractive sexually, she thinks he's gay.
Other people think he's gay, too, because he's so gorgeous.
think so. Despite what many people think of the male species,
it is possible for a guy to have no interest in or pleasure
from sex with a pseudo-attractive girl, especially if this
girl has zero personality.
is an excellent all-around athlete. And he looks good. And
he has nice hair. And he is likeable. And his nice hair looks
good. And he's a good athlete. Did I mention that all the
women think Nathan is a gorgeous hottie and that he has nice
hair? You see, as I try to discover things about him other
than his looks and athletic ability, I am at a loss. Oh wait,
I found one: He has a pleasant personality. And he's cute
and has nice hair.
Long Run-On Sentence
profiling the houseguests, it became clear as to what the
problem is with this household. These people have nothing
to talk about other than strategy and who's aligned with who
and who hates who and who's best going to help me in the game
and on and on and on.
the English majors out there are probably thinking, "Dang,
Rob, that's a lot of conjunctions and run-on sentences?"
what this house is, one long run-on sentence.
Your Permanent Live Feed Update
strategy with Robert who talks strategy with Justin, but Dana
steps in because she thought that maybe someone was talking
about her or discussing strategy without her being involved,
but they weren't so she flirts with Justin and he flirts back
and Robert gags and leaves and finds Jun, who's eating, and
they discuss strategy while Alison and Nathan bound through
the house chasing each other with water balloons WHILE ALSO
discussing strategy, but then Erika walks through all grumble-like
but not really because we just don't understand her and ends
up in a theme-painted-on-the-walls room discussing strategy
with Jack who says something but I really couldn't tell you
what it was because as soon as he talks my mind sort of just
goes numb and while I'm recuperating I find that Jack has
made his way out into the lawn furniture only to find Jee
and they discuss strategy but not really because they're in
different alliances so they just sort of try to manipulate
each other in an I'm-going-to-out-bore-the-world contest.
write this, I have the live feeds on, listening to them, take
a while guess, talk strategy. Of course, it's the same strategy
repeated. But what's really strange about this strategy is
that people get pissed off about something, they change their
minds and alliances, but then they for whatever reason change
their minds again and end up thinking the same things they
thought 12 hours ago. And since they changed their minds once
in between, they feel as though they need to RE-DISCUSS their
you go. If you miss the live feeds or haven't signed up for
them, just reread the above paragraph: Instant Live Feed Update!
Why is This Show so Freaking Boring?
review the houseguests:
have a crying-lying-flirts-a-lot almost hottie, an emotional
basketcase with herpes, a gorgeous exotic beauty who never
spoke but had sex but was too embarrassed over it, a class
clown, an FBI agent, a saggy once-upon-a-time hottie Asian,
a cute-as-a-button virgin, a super-hottie pilates instructor,
not-quite-hottie Karate babe, a super jock with a brain, a
young Korean guy who's quietly cool, an asshole, and an all-American-aren't-I-gorgeous-but-I'm-pretending-not-to-know-it
blond curly locks 20-something guy.
these people, surely this is a recipe for drama; surely this
would lead to psychological thrills, right? One would think
so, but it just hasn't happened.
the problem is, except for their looks, this group is mediocre,
at best. They have no life experiences, no serious interests,
no talents or skills. They are just generally likeable, but
please understand that a mediocre person is far better than
an extremely bad person. It's just that this is a TV show.
This is entertainment. I want good guys. I want bad guys.
I want tears, sex, silliness, laughter, pain, pleasure, passion...
I want it all. But it's just not going to happen with mediocre
people. The best we'll get is a little pain, a little pleasure,
forgotten tears, and unmemorable antics.
often compare the current houseguests to those from prior
shows. This time around we don't have the true viciousness
of Chill Town, the biting critiques and gay humor of Bunky
and Marcellas. We don't have the philosophy and charisma of
Roddy, the extreme goodness-how-can-you-ever-say-anything-bad-about-the-super-attractive-super-Christian
Jason. We have occasional drunken behavior but not anything
like that of Krista and Amy. There's no I'm-incredibly-sexy-but-even-sweeter
Lisa, no breast implants of Tonya (that we actually got to
SEE). Over time, the controversial and often unpopular opinions
of the older guy Kent became a joy to listen to. We even somehow
enjoyed the speaks-her-mind-but-turned-totally-psycho Nicole
and, of course, how could any such list be given without the
this list wasn't even close to being exhaustive; not one person
from BB1 was mentioned. And somehow I didn't mention Danielle.)
point I'm trying to make is that in this house there exists
no real intensity, no extremes. Instead, they just sort of
bounce around back and forth between strategies and alliances
and who's being put up next and who will win power of veto
(POV) and will he/she actually use it (probably not) and who's
lying to who and who's flirting with whom and blah blah blah.
They never venture into extremes -- nothing extremely good
and nothing extremely bad -- preferring to always remain in
generally politically-correct neutral territory.
point is that CBS BB producers are terrible at forcing the
drama. They'd hoped that bringing the ex's in would either
create intense hate-each-other conflict or rekindle-the-romance
sex and fondling. Neither has happened. In fact, if anything,
it has toned DOWN the drama.
advice to CBS is to not try and force the drama, to not focus
on beauty (because it seems that beauty breeds mental mediocrity),
and to simply allow the PEOPLE to create the drama. And since
I'm in the mood...
have suggested that the Golden POV be given the extra power
to choose WHO replaces the person they remove from nomination.
And since this adds a huge amount of power to the Golden POV
owner, the contests should be lengthy, mentally/physically
challenging events, which would make them much more interesting
back the multiple-day challenges from BB1. I hear people wish
for this more than any other thing. This way the live feeds
won't be so boring to watch.
internet voting. The people on the internet know the HGs better
than anyone else. They watch or read about the live feeds
and they discuss the HGs in any number of discussion groups.
With cookies and IP settings on the computer, people would
only be allowed to vote once thus preventing what happened
during BB1. Plus, if the general public were involved in the
decision-making process, ratings would skyrocket.
am a dreamer if I think CBS will listen to a lowly viewer.
Every season there seems to be the same (or similar) suggestions
and every season things either don't change or get worse,
especially when it comes to the live feeds. (Ah, the live
feeds. There's a lengthy complaint article right there.)
you go: Houseguest profiles, an update of all that's happened
(they discussed strategy, plus a few other things, I think),
and some recommendations for future seasons.
to detail what you can expect during the rest of the season,
but I'm afraid it would only be me hoping things would mysteriously
there be another Big Brother article? Honestly, I'm just not
me some quality thoughts
to ponder and maybe it'll happen.
you for reading my crap!
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