Survivor All-Stars Episode 2: Purely Strategical
Iím still not sure what to make of this All-Star Survivor.†
Itís interesting to see these people, these superstars of
Survivor, interact with each other.† But one of the things
I enjoyed about Survivor was getting to know the contestants.†
And now it just isnít this way.† I already sort of know them.†
But hey, Iím coping with all of this just fine.
Welcome to my belated second episode commentary.† Because
itís late and because youíve likely already watched the THIRD
episode, Iíll just comment on the highlights.
After we see a snake swimming onto the beach from out in
the water, possibly from another remote island because Iíve
heard thatís exactly what snakes do -- swim back and forth
between the islands instead of being released at the waterís
edge so the producers can have a cool snake shot, Rupert greets
us with his raspy growl and tells us how difficult things
are without fire and especially without water.† He moans and
he growls in pain, ďComing back from tribal council without
fire was devastating.Ē† His eyes beg for a hug and I must
admit that itís kind of odd to be getting all sympathetic
towards this super-self-supporting-everyone-can-depend-on-me-in-every-way-giant-hairy-monster-of-a-man-isnít-afraid-to-cry-or-wear-a-dress-with-tidie-whities-showing-underneath-if-the-wind-blows.†
"I don't think I have ever gone this far without food."†
Can someone please just give Rupert a hug and tell him everything
is going to be OK?
Whatís even more odd is Jerri isnít all that annoying.† Thinking
back on Survivor 2, I couldnít really tell what she did that
was so bad.† All I remember was that she was the wicked witch
and enjoyed being labeled as such and that I was often really
annoyed about something and Iím pretty sure it was something
other than her snarl or that hat.
What ISNíT annoying, on the other hand, is Rudy.† Theyíve
been warned to not drink the water until after itís boiled
because there exists in there some sort of organ-eating pus-inducing
tiny Japanese monster alien thing that'll "put you in
a coma." But does this stop Rudy?† Hell no.† He explains
that as a Navy Seal, there was a reservoir or lake or radioactive
cesspool or the like, and "at any given time you could
see a minimum of six bodies floating" and maybe even
decomposing to the point that they have already reincarnated
back into the water as a hellish version of the fabled organ-eating
pus-inducing-coma-putting-you-into-ing tiny Japanese monster
alien thing.† And those tough-as-nails fear-nothing Seals
drank it, by God, without the slightest problem because they
were Navy Seals, dammit, and they were tough as nails.† If
he could drink that and live, dammit, he can drink anything.
"If I'm not still standing at noon, don't drink it,"
he suggested to the others with a grin.
What's more interesting about Rudy is that when I saw him
talking to people at the Finale show, he comes across like
a quiet, soft-spoken little old man who seemed to follow wherever
people called out to him; and he followed their voices out
of courtesy and respect and just being an overall nice guy.†
He didn't at all come across like he drank rancid water and
ate bugs for survival while in a war where he was "afraid
for an entire year" but he still overcame.
And watching him talk with this group, his smile is genuine
and quick, his concern for others is real, and he simply could
never hurt anyone or anything unless it was absolutely necessary
for the survival of the entire tribe.
Everyone likes a superhero, it seems.† People get empowered
when they see Peter Parker beat the crap out of the high school
bullies.† They raise their fists in triumph when Clark Kent
returns to the diner to give the neighborhood tough guy a
taste of his own medicine.† It's a beautiful thing to see
the underdog triumph. And so, to watch and hear about how
tough and superhuman 75-year-old Rudy is totally explains
After we see this little ode to Rudy, another tribal flag
is flashed on the screen to let us know that the drama is
continuing at another camp.† I, of course, can never remember
these freaking tribe names so I have to review.
We just visited with Team Miscellaneous (Saboga Tribe
the one with Rudy, Rupert, and Ethan).
The other tribes are:
Team Strategerize (Mogo Mogo Tribe - the one with Richard
Team Entertainment (Chapera Tribe - the one with Big
Tom, the two Robs, and Alicia)
I feel better now.†
Over at Team Strategerize, "Dehydration may be our
biggest concern at this point."† But dying and dehydration
really isn't the biggest story here.† Richard Hatch is.† It's
raining.† The others are sucking the rain off the leaves,
happy and rejoiceful that they have water in their bellies.†
But Mr. Pixielated is shown happily strolling along naked
in the rain, soaking it up, enjoying the warmth and wetness
of it all.
I wish I could be a nudist.† It looks so free, so natural,
so connected to nature.† But I just can't do it.† And I must
admit that I would be uncomfortable to have this guy walking
around showing his goods as though it were completely normal.†
I've played sports and worked out in gyms and all that.† There
always seems to be at least one guy who doesn't feel it's
the slightest bit strange to have a conversation about the
Yankees or the economy while entirely naked and dangling.†
And the worst thing about this is how he's perfectly comfortable
having this conversation just a few feet away -- so close,
in fact, that if I were to turn or pull on my sweats or tie
my shoes in just the right way, I would accidentally brush
up against his wanker and that would just really gross me
So Richard is walking around all fuzzy-pixielated and the
others are slowly getting used to the idea that they may eventually
brush up against his dangleness.† "We have an overweight,
gay, naked man walking around," says Colby, "and
no one seems to let it bother them."
I know he did this during the first Survivor, but did he
do it this much?† Please email
me as I do not know.
We Got Some Watah! We Got Some Watah!
Over at Team Entertainment, Alicia, Amber, and Boston
Rob are celebrating the rain and all seem to be singing with
Boston Rob's accent, "We got some watah!"
They also sang, "Have you ever seen the rain?"
and it's clear this group is having fun.† It's nice to see
people enjoying themselves, isn't it?
I hope this tribe never loses a challenge because, frankly,
the game, this time around, just isnít all that entertaining.†
The All-stars donít need to learn about each other and develop
those relationship dynamics.† For the most part, they already
know each other.† All they need to do -- and all they ARE
doing -- is play the game and play it intensely.† With Team
Entertainment around, at least I'll occasionally grin and
As the teams line up for the reward challenge, "Pretty
Boy Probst" (thanks Boston Rob) tells them to look at
the new Team Miscellaneous minus Tina.† Instantly Richard
Hatch realizes that they booted a past winner only because
she was a past winner.† He smiles knowingly.† Soon after,
Jenna M. realizes the same thing and shows concern.
The reward challenge consists of a grueling swimming challenge.†
I know that Richard Hatch and all his cockiness is so very
easily disliked, but I must admit that I like the guy.† And
everyone must admit that, despite his laziness and refusal
to help out around the camp, during the challenges, he turns
on the competitiveness and his intensity really shines.
Plus, it's hard not to be drawn to confidence.
Team Miscellaneous (Rupert and Ethan) won the challenge and
were given the option to choose between the blankets or giving
themselves AND the other tribes a clue to the first key (of
three) and flint.† They chose to share their reward and all
rejoiced and were merry.
The producers also rejoiced because listless, dehydrated
people are boring to watch.
Big Mouth Sequence
Over at Tribe Entertainment, Alicia and her mouth are beginning
to annoy people.† Big Tom and Boston Rob, who aren't known
for their quiet and reserved demeanors, seem to have the biggest
challenge with Alicia's mouth.† "She walks around giving
orders constantly," says Boston Rob.† "It's her
nature.† She's got a big mouth.† She needs to learn to shut
Still, they got fire with Alicia's direction so what was
coming out of that big mouth actually was beneficial.† She
just needs to work on her delivery and not think that everyone
around her is a personal trainer client.
Speaking of annoying cheerleaders, Ethan and Jenna discuss
the challenge and who has the target on HIS back and she's
quite blunt about the whole thing: the only way he'll not
go is if they keep winning immunity.† She even says this in
a positive manner, "Hey, it's not so bad.† We may not
lose a challenge for two weeks!"
Can someone please explain why Jenna Lewis is in the All-Stars?†
Who's the big mouth over at Team Strategerize?† No surprise
here...† it's Kathy O'Brien.† And I don't mean this title
to be a negative personality thing.† She also needs to work
on her delivery.† Like the other big mouths, it's not necessarily
a bad thing.† It's just that their mouth and their outspoken-ness
is becoming mildly annoying to some or all of their tribemates.†
Like Alicia, Kathy's suggestions seem to make a lot of sense.
And so the producers have shown us the Big Mouths: Alicia
in Team Entertainment, Jenna Lewis in Team Miscellaneous,
and Kathy in Team Strategerize.
The Key that you Crave
Team Strategerize went out looking for the key to one of
the three locks to the treasure chest.† Again, Richard stands
out as he is the one to find the key.† And he can't keep from
sharing with us just how great of a strategic Survivor mind
he has, "Anybody looking would think of today as HUGE
in that we got fire and water and a key to the trunk.† That's
all extraneous CRAP to me.† That's not Survivor.† The game's
all the interpersonal stuff.† 'YEAH ROAR WHOA!'† That's all
outside the game.† That's just not in me."
As I've stated, I like Richard.† But it's Lex who I'm more
impressed with.† I wonder how long it'll take for Lex to mastermind
They had to unload a sunken boat filled with 2,000 pounds
then turn the boat over once it floated to the surface.† Team
Miscellaneous (Saboga - Rupert, Ethan, Rudy) was the first
to get theirs up, but they had a horrible strategy to bail
their boat instead of flipping it.
Saboga continues to make mistakes, forgets a paddle, tries
to paddle a sinking boat to shore while Jenna yells at everyone.
Team Entertainment surprises everyone with yet another win.†
And for the second time, Team Miscellaneous faces Tribal
Council.† Once again, they had the athleticism and the strength,
but just messed up when it came to strategy.†
Who Is Going to Go?
It is at this point in the show after the immunity challenge
when the producers do all they can to make it seem as though
the next elimination is still a mystery.† Who will go -- Ethan
Right out of the gates we have Ethan pulling ahead as we
are reminded of the tribe's plan to eliminate the past winners.†
But wait, Rudy surges forward as it is stated that they needed
Ethan's athletic ability and strength and that Rudy, despite
being a hero in every sense of the word, is the weak link.†
Oh no, wait!† Ethan, despite his athletic ability and strength,
gets far too excited during the challenges and makes stupid
mistakes.† It was because of him crawling into the boat when
it still had all that water in it that caused it to sink.
But can they risk losing another challenge?† Rudy's foot
is still bothering him and if there's a running challenge.†
We see sadness and tears as Rudy's name is mentioned several
But what is this, folks?!† Rupert is also crying.† He tells
the others and the cameras, "I'm not writing Rudy's name
Jerri adds that Rudy is tough as nails.† He hasn't once complained
about the conditions, while everyone else has.† Is he really
the weak link?
Ethan sets out to prove his worthiness to the tribe by fishing.†
After a while, he comes back empty-handed.† Rupert goes out
and returns five minutes later with a fish.† Things are not
looking good for Ethan.† Ethan is expandable.† Thus he has
a length-and-a-half lead over Rudy and is about to be eliminated!
There was discussion about whatever and that Ethan is
the next in running because he's the only other person to
have won Survivor and yada yada yada.
Everyone was quite sad to vote as they did.† Ethan even said
it was "purely strategical."† Jerri was crying.†
Rupert was crying.† It doesn't look good for Rudy.† Alas,
the beloved Rudy, amongst much tears and sadness, is the second
person voted out of Survivor.
Mr. Probst gives a nice "eulogy" of sorts...
"How could you not like Rudy?† 75-year-old former Navy
Seal hanging with kids a third of his age, a hero in anybody's
book.† I know you didn't want to vote him out.† And yet, somebody
had to go; which is exactly what makes Survivor what it is..."
Right here, while watching the show, I was pleased and impressed.††
They spent more time discussing Rudy's greatness than any
person that's ever been eliminated.† And from all that I've
seen, Rudy deserves all the great things that's ever been
said about him.
But we return to Jeff's little speech... "which is exactly
what makes Survivor what it is..."
I was expecting something remarkable and moving.† Something
worthy of Rudy.† Something that could somehow sum up Survivor
while being in the same sentence as the venerated Rudy.
That was like listening to an intense concert orchestra symphonic
masterpiece.† Our emotions were taken here and there, we laughed,
we cried, we marveled, and then as the majestic build-up becomes
larger and larger and as the triumphant blasting of the horns
and the beating of the drums and the intensity on the violins
takes us to a most powerful and proud climax, the tuba player
hits a totally wrong note and flubs everything up.
But I was always told to not bring up problems unless I have
a solution.† And to be totally honest, and I tried -- really
hard I tried --I couldn't come up with a fitting word either.
And so, let this be a lesson to all you writers out there:†
Don't try to sum up Survivor in the same sentence as Rudy
with just ONE WORD.† It'll just end up all pixielated and
(But if a word comes to mind, please don't hesitate to send
it my way.† If I get a lot of suggestions, I'll make a
silly article out of them.)