Let us discuss Jon Dalton
little disclaimer: As with all Survivor
profiles, I am totally making all this
stuff up as if I actually have a clue.
I do not in any way know any of these
survivors. However, I've received many
emails from past Survivors complimenting
me on my insight. So, although I make
this crap up, sometimes I'm actually right.)
Jon is by far the most easily disliked
person of the group. He's like a constant
source of super-annoying statements and
I watched his Video Profile. It starts
with, "I have several plans. #1 is...
my philosophy is DTA - don't trust anybody."
who use acronyms really annoy me. Please,
people, unless you're working for a government
defense contractor, do not use them. The
only exceptions are those that have become
a part of most everyone's vocabulary.
(ASAP and TMI - too much information!
are two such exceptions.) Otherwise, especially
with those that are seemingly just made
up, DO NOT USE ACRONYMS. It does not make
you cool. It does not give people the
impression that you are hip to the latest
phrases. It is just annoying.
He and his moppy hair continue on about
fattening up and becoming PADI certified
(another acronym, which he explains because
he's just too cool for us who don't know
his acronyms -- "skin diver")
and some other stupid crap. Then he says,
with his smug I-am-so-cool-and-I-just-know-that-everyone-must-like-me-as-much-as-I-do
"Oh I plan on being the first Survivor
to have sex on the island."
To which he adds, "Hopefully with
another person. Ha Ha Ha!"
He cracks himself up.
But he doesn't stop there. "I'm
looking for a, how do the French say a
menage a'trois? I'm looking for a menage
a' quatre or menage a' cinq or I don't
know, I don't speak French, I just kiss
I did NOT make that up.
His audition video begins, "What's
up, player? J-o-o-o-n Dalton. Planning,
I guess, just to win the whole Survivor
thing" to which he soon adds... "and,
uh... I guess there will be a couple of
girlies running around, which is always
nice. LOVE the girlies. Let's see, I have
a few now" And he starts counting
on his fingers, "One, two, three...
four... a few. And uhh..."
That's his transition thing, "And
uhh..." Each time he says something
he thinks is funny, he'll say, "And
uhh..." and then not continue because
it's funny and it's a joke and he need
not go on to elaborate further.
Or instead, he'll say, "But uhh..."
mentions top secret files, pie charts,
eye charts...bar graphs... starts to show
them, but puts them away like it was cute
and funny. Of course he says, "But
uhh... you shouldn't be seeing any of
that." He grabs a cardboard puppet,
but puts that away too with a laugh and
an "And uhh..." because that
would be just WAY too funny. But enough
of that, he thinks, and gets back to talking
about the girls...
"Actually... ha ha ha... forget
about that, too." See me grin?
I like myself so much! he thinks.
"With a million dollars," he
continues, "I could have all the
girls in the world."
"Johnny Fairplay! Five-foot eight,
one hundred and thirty five pounds of
"Why is Jon Dalton going to win
Survivor? Well, I went to Virginia Tech.
And I guess, prior to Virginia Tech I
was senior class president. Junior class
president before that. And uhh... because
I was smart, and uhh..."
See, he leaves off right there because
we're to automatically assume that he
won not because he's smart, like he said,
but because he's so attractive and popular.
Get it? He's such a wit!
"At Virginia Tech, I learned lots
of things, too. I learned how to party.
And I learned how to party. And, uhh...
did I mention the girls?"
I AM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP! These
are exact excerpts.
Throughout the video, he had little costume
change segments as he changed his various
thoughts. The problem was that there was
a light BEHIND him which basically caused
his video to darken everything about him.
So, he'd change into his outfits (which
I've shown throughout this article), come
back with a look, like, "Aren't
I cool because now I'm wearing camaflouge,"
but we wouldn't be able to see what the
hell he was wearing because there was
Did he review the video and realize,
"Hey, people aren't able to see
my outfits. It's too dark. I'd better
redo the video and put a light on me!"
And so, even if he hadn't said anything
at all, I'd STILL be annoyed because the
idiot sent in a stupid-ass tape that didn't
allow me to see anything but a darkened
shadow thing with signs of blonde, curly
He also said in a different interview
that he hated old people and will work
hard to get them
voted out first..and create a utopia for
the young people.
Need I go on?