Episode 11: Why not just wound
into this episode, the previews and the press had mentioned
that we'd see "The Big Lie." Since Annoyance-Man
Jon is easily the most disliked Survivor ever and since he
has repeatedly bragged about his lies and his fake alliances,
I totally expected him to be the center of the Big Lie controversy.
But this episode opened with the
survivors returning from the Rupert-booting tribal council
as Hispanic-Fireball Woman blasts Annoyance Man yet again
for his deceit. She says, "I tell you what, can't nobody
trust that bitch right there. I never trusted you from day
one and you couldn't be trusted. Ladies, he will backstab
you in a heartbeat like he did everybody here."
Then she added, "Every time
a plan went down, you put it together."
This was difficult for me to take
in. Every time a plan went down, Annoyance Man put it together?
If this is true, then everyone must admit that the most disliked
Survivor ever is somehow running the show. Talk about annoying!
Who Dumped the Fish?
But as Hispanic-Fireball was blasting
Annoyance Man about his lying and such, Burton aka He's-All-Man
Man notices that someone dumped the fish out of the bucket
and immediately asks Hispanic-Fireball Woman if she threw
the fish out.
She replies, "No, I'm hungry.
Why the f' would I be doing throwing fish out?"
changes direction and lands on Tall-Kind-of-Hot-But-Fried-the-Speech-Portion-of-Her-Brain
Girl who looks really scared. No one believes her denial.
(I did. How many times have we seen animals forage through
the Survivor camp while they were away at Tribal Council?)
The situation turns very heated.
Hispanic-Fireball screams at He's-All-Man Man, Tall-Kind-of-Hot-But-Fried-the-Speech-Portion-of-Her-Brain
Girl screams at Annoyance man, She's-Looking-Better-Every-Time-I-See-Her-Nubian-Princess
looks on while Missing-Person's-List-But-She's-Got-A-Nice-body-Where's-Darrah
Girl contemplates actually saying something.
During the night, we are shown
a nice night-vision shot of all the crabs ripping away at
the dead fish in the weeds. The next morning, they found the
stinking dead fish and yet again, Tall-Kind-of-Hot-But-Fried-the-Speech-Portion-of-Her-Brain
Girl is blasted, "Christa, you're lying and you have
a reason to lie."
To the cameras, we see her in
tears, explaining in an even less understandable sniffling
marbling language, that she didn't do it and that she feels
terrible and that she'll probably be voted off next because
everyone thinks she dumped the fish because her friend, Rupert,
caught the fish and that she just wants this all to be over
and she so misses her honey-muffin fiance back home and...
It was I -- I Dumped the Fish
then, excellent camera work catches Hispanic-Fireball woman
walking sheepishly away from the conversation before she confesses
to the camera, "When we got back to camp, I kept thinking
'They are not going to enjoy Rupert's fish. Screw that.' I
grabbed the bucket full of fish. It was heavy. I trip on a
vine and I spill all the fish. I started arguing with Jon
to the point where it saved me because they never pointed
the finger at me for dumping the fish. Now I'm in a bind.
If I was to tell her, she'd run off to them and there's no
doubt in my mind I'd have three days left."
The Big Lie?
Was that it? It had to be worse
than that. Jeffy had mentioned it even before the season started,
how big and atrocious it was and how the others watching will
be so totally shocked when they see the truth. Something tells
me it has to be worse than this.
That's what I was thinking as
they went in to the Reward Challenge.
time for the Survivors to be visited by their loved ones.
As they introduce each person, Annoyance Man's friend made
me think that the big lie was that Jon is gay. His friend
came bouncing out all limp-wristed flailing away two peace
signs. The super hero and his sidekick -- Annoyance Man and
But surely this wasn't THE BIG
LIE. Being gay, no matter how annoying, is no big deal.
then Annoyance Man asks about his grandma to which he is told,
"She died, dude."
And just in case we missed it,
we were shown captions of this exchange.
I guess being out there in the
mildly difficult island world clouds one's BS Detector's effectiveness,
because I instantly thought he was lying.
Jeff said, "Jon, you went
from really happy to really sad..."
Man, now fighting back tears, sniffling even, says, "It
was either my buddy or my grandmother and my grandmother is
not here for a reason."
"What happened," asked
Sniffle sniffle consoled by someone
next to him sniffle again, "She's not around." To
which he added, "I can only hope to win this and get
BEEP!! My BS detector just went
The challenge begins. Each pair
will be asked questions about the Survivor. Every time the
answers match, they get to force someone else's partner to
take a step towards the end of the plank, eventually forcing
them off, thus "Walking the plank." The winner gets
to go back to the camp for 24 hours.
Hispanic-Fireball Woman doesn't
buy Annoyance Man's lie. She makes his buddy take a step and
he acts disgusted, "I mean, I have a million questions
I'd like to ask about my grandmother..."
BEEP!! My BS detector just went
After a few more questions, we
hear Annoyance Man murmur to himself, "This is brutal.
Other than "Johnny Fairplay's"
attempts at sympathy, I had a few other observations about
Here you are on a Panamanian island
about to walk the plank and jump into crystal clear water
on a very hot day. You're on national TV. You just got to
see your loved one after being away for a month. Would you
sort of just step off and dribble down into the water?
No! If it were me, I'd be doing
a monster cannonball, at least. I'd jump up in the air as
high as possible and ENJOY that moment!
was really boring until Tijuana's former high school sweetheart
turned best friend does just that - an excellent cannonball.
He also adds to Annoyance Man,
"Hey, my condolences."
At least we know that Tijuana
chooses quality friends.
(Former high school sweetheart
turned best friend? Hmm... something tells me we have a guy
who would die to be with Tijuana but she doesn't think of
him romantically so he pretends to be a good friend all in
hopes that she get a change of heart. Being platonic with
a hottie just isn't in the genetic makeup of the male species.
The only exception is if the guy doesn't find her attractive
or if she is in one way or another psycho.)
The other thing I noticed was
Girl and her boyfriend did not match one thing. Hmm... Why
does it not surprise me that these two seem to have a communication
problem? They probably just get together and look at each
Hey, I'm sure she's a really nice
The reward was kind of odd. The
winning pair get to have the camp all to themselves for 24
hours. Were they hoping that one of the young couples win
and end up having a conjugal visit? I say this because seeing
two people catch up on missed time just doesn't make good
TV. It was always kind of interesting seeing the relative/husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend
interact with the other tribe members.
But watching two people have a
conversation for 24 hours just wouldn't work for me. So I'm
thinking that CBS/Mark Burnett decided to pull a Fox Reality
Dude, She's Not Really Dead
So Annoyance Man was given the Reward Challenge. After
we see everyone say how good they felt over letting him talk
to his friend about his grandmother's death, we switch over
to Annoyance Man and Icky-Flaming Boy...
"That was a brilliance performance,
(And that was all we saw of these
two except for the goodbye. I found it interesting that they
basically showed their dastardly deed and then gave them absolutely
zero air-time. Were they given a nice meal? Did they win any
I wonder if they had planned on
feeding them something special. Had Burton and his mother
won, they would've been given the star treatment and we would've
been shown it all. But Annoyance Man and Icky-Flaming Boy
were ignored and hopefully forced to scavenge for their food.)
So, yes. They lied. They faked
a dear old grandmother's death. It was planned before he ever
left for Survivor. Smarmy-Annoyance Man justifies it this
way, "This is a game for a million dollars. I have one
chance in my life at this. You should take every advantage
possible. If you don't, you're a fool."
I have to be honest. He has a
point. The accepted and moral and good reaction to what Smarmy-Annoyance
Man did would be to call for his eviction and be all disgusted
and puking and all that. But I must admit that I'm torn.
Since I first started watching
Survivor, I've been hoping someone comes along and totally
makes up an occupation and maybe even a personality. When
I heard Outwit Outplay Outlast, I immediately translated this
Jon aka Smarmy-Annoyance Man out-BS'ed
all of them. Yes, pretending that your dear old grandmother
died is about as low a thing a person can do. But everyone
must admit that this brought him a win -- and will very likely
continue to benefit him since everyone is so easy to believe
a sad story without questioning one's history or motive.
THAT is why these people deserve
what they get. They are dolts for not once bringing up that
he has lied so many times before. They have totally forgotten
all the drunken stories he's told, stories which clearly demonstrate
what a sleazeball he is. But they are REALLY dolts for not
recognizing how horrible Smarmy-Annoyance Man is at lying.
He milked the dying grandmother
thing way too much. If someone truly lost a loved one, they
wouldn't have mentioned it, argumentatively even, the 3-4
times he did throughout the challenge. Instead, they would've
been too engrossed in the loss to respond to peoples' comments.
Later in the show, he milks it even further, saying how he
is now a changed man since having learned about his grandmother.
People. He's got a motive to lie.
He has a long history of smarmy behavior. There's a reason
why history is taught and it's not just because. History is
taught so we don't repeat the mistakes and so we learn from
that which was done right.
Kids, Pay Attention in History
One person that seems to understand
history rather well is Hispanic Fireball Woman Sandra. She
explained to She's-Looking-Better-Every-Time-I-See-Her-Nubian-Princess
Tijuana and Missing-Person's-List-But-She's-Got-A-Nice-body-Where's-Darrah
Girl exactly how He's-All-Man Man and Smarmy-Annoyance Man
plan the game to go. Tijuana was hesitant to believe it.
Hesitant until Sandra took her
with her to sneak up on the two guys in the dark in order
to listen to their conversation. They said exactly what Sandra's
been telling them and now, FINALLY, Tijuana believes her.
What I don't get is how come people
out there seem to have to always talk and talk and talk their
strategy. This is the same plan Jon and Burton made several
days ago. Why do they need to talk about it? Make a plan and
So NOW the plan is to eliminate
Burton provided he doesn't win immunity. Well, after a word
scramble puzzle, Burton was told that he won but then Jeff
realized he made a mistake and it became a challenge between
Sandra, Darrah, and Lill. Darrah spelled out the most words...
wins immunity. Nice job."
They rejoice. Now they can get
rid of the strongest player, He's-All-Man Man Burton.
Or can they?
But Smarmy-Annoyance Man SOMEHOW
convinces Christa and Sandra to eliminate Tijuana. He said
that he'd rather keep eating and keep Burton and eliminate
Tijuana and then Darrah, making the Final Four Jon, Burton,
Christa, and Sandra. "If we go to the final four, that's
fair. Is that not fair?"
Hispanic Fireball Sandra chooses
to ignore even her own words, "We're listening but you
have done us wrong so many times before. Jon, you don't know
how much we distrust you."
"I swear on my grandmother...
That's a big freaking deal and I wouldn't break that."
Ah, yet another mention of dear
As much as I hate to even think
it, if Smarmy-Annoyance Man wins this thing, because he's
finagled his way through each tribal council, often dictating
some way or another who was booted, I must admit that he deserves
How horrible would that be? I'd
rather see Vecepia or Jenna win it again.
The person that should win all
the BS awards is Jeff Probst. He knows Smarmy-Annoyance Man's
lie but goes along as though he doesn't. It would be so easy
for him to cause even the slightest doubt in the grandmother
dying story. It has to be extremely difficult for him to go
along with the lie especially given how it's so very clear
how Jon disgusts and annoys him so much.
But he controls himself and for
that, he should be commended on his abilities.
Sandra was asked about the personalities
getting along and such and she brought up the fish being tossed
in the bushes incident. She played along that she knew absolutely
nothing (something that I'll discuss shortly, as I debate
just which was worse - Sandra's lie or Jon's lie).
Burton was asked, "Who do
you trust in this game?"
"I'd like to think I could
trust a lot of people. You don't have to trust someone to
have an alliance with them. You have to have the same interests.
You could hate someone's guts but if you can help them go
further, we have an alliance."
(I didn't pick up anything when
I first heard this, but there's little question who Burton
was thinking about when he said this.)
Right on cue, Jeff asked Annoyance
Man, "It's hard to trust, but at a certain point are
you willing to betray anybody in this game to get what you
He replies with a sad, sad face,
"Several days ago, yes. At this point, I don't think
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!!
"Why the change of heart?"
"I've had a rough few days,
man. I'll be honest with you. Very strange,you know. My priorities
And boy oh boy, just when I thought
he couldn't possibly have milked his grandmother's death for
more sympathy, I was proven wrong. He not only milked it,
he took that cow out to dinner and a movie. And everyone seemed
to buy it.
Going into this Tribal Council,
knowing that Darrah won immunity, I was kind of curious to
see if she really is capable of speaking a full sentence.
Knowing that Jeff HAD to ask her at least SOMETHING, I watched
"Darrah, you have immunity.
I'm sure it feels good. Is there anybody you would like to
give that up to?"
She says nothing. She just shakes
her head. She doesn't even say No. Please, Darrah!? Say something
-- anything. You can do it. I know you can.
wait! When she held up Burton's name, she said, "Burton
I voted for you only because you are the biggest threat we
have right now."
Yippee! She CAN speak full sentences.
To my dismay, Sandra and Christa
voted as Jon urged. They kept their word to Annoyance Man
and they must now be kicking themselves.
Not one person disliked Tijuana.
Everyone had written "Happy Birthday" to Tijuana
as they wrote her name down. It's rare to see someone so universally
liked. I hope that her 15 minutes last a lot longer than most
(By the way, I've just updated
my profiles on both Tijuana
I was uncharacteristically nice to Tijuana and deservedly
So now we have Burton, Lill, Jon,
Darrah, Christa, and Sandra as the Final Six. Now that Sandra
went against her intuition, what are the chances that she'll
be able to convince Lill and Darrah to eliminate Burton or
Jon? I'd say it's pretty good, but things would've been a
lot better had they never sided with Jon in the first place.
And so, what's the moral of the
Kids, pay attention in history
class! It could cost you a million dollars someday.
Which Lie was Worse: Sandra's
Oh wait, I promised to discuss which lie was worst, Sandra's
over at FansofRealityTV makes an excellent point. I'll quote
just a small part of it:
week we were presented with an interesting case study in ethics,
or the lack thereof, as it applies to the game of Survivor.
Here is the question for those of your playing the home game.
Which is worse, lying about the death of a family member to
try to gain favor in the game, OR, allowing another tribe
mate to take the rap, and likely the eventual boot, for something
the one hand, Jon didn't specifically do anything to hurt
anyone else's chances in the game. In fact, aside from requiring
additional security around him at the reunion show, I don't
see where this helped him. On the other side, we have Sandra,
who sold out her primary remaining ally, and likely ended
Christa's chance for a million dollars. I don't doubt that
Jon will be crucified for his lie, but Sandra's was worse,
in my opinion, as it applies to the game. Not that I am saying
a lie about the game is bad mind you."
Normally, I would think that lying
about a dead grandmother would be worse, but taking it in
this context - that his lie hurt no one while Sandra's lie
hurt Christa - I'm inclined to think that Smarmy-Annoyance
Man shouldn't be crucified as badly as he's been.
In fact, if someone else more
attractive, more likeable, had done this, it's likely that
this person would've been applauded for being such a good
strategist. This would be so ESPECIALLY if it were a woman.
Everyone would be like, "Oh my gosh, she is SO kicking
their ass! You go girl!"
Ok, maybe not. Faking a grandmother's
death just isn't acceptable.
It was despicable, in fact. Faking
a death? He could've achieved the same thing by pretending
only sickness. This way, at least he wouldn't have killed
I won't be surprised, though,
if he wins this game. And this troubles me. I'll be disgusted
and barfing, but I won't be surprised.
Let's all have a Vecepia moment
and hold hands and pray that the others get a clue.
Until next time, let's do a cannonball
Cannonball picture byBob